Nonsensical Notes for the Holiday Season

We always like to end the year with a little fun.
Here are some statements that may make your eyes roll.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, you have urine trouble.

What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

Velcro – what a rip off!

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner? Oh deer!

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

When chemists die, they barium.